#4 - Gratitude, Wants and Shoulds
You are listening to episode 4 of the Money Owners Podcast with me, Morgen Rochard. Money Owners is a group financial coaching program that takes all the information in this podcast to the next level, providing you with live help for your financial needs. The Money Owners Podcast is designed to help you sort out who you are financially, the issues you are having with money and how to tackle them to be the best financial version of you (and we can’t do this all in one episode!). You’ll get some good ole fashioned information on being financially awesome. As a side note, this podcast does not provide any investment advice and nothing in this podcast should be misconstrued to be investment advice. If you’d like more information on Money Owners coaching, the podcast, the homework, and everything I have to offer, visit www.moneyowners.com
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Alright, so today is a very Thanksgiving episode. So to give you a little insight into my mind and how I work and why I keep talking about all of these things about using our brains properly to work out our finances, I thought I would tell you a little about Thanksgiving in the Rochard house. And that’s long before Pierre and I were married and we had a son. So before I can remember even, thanksgiving was at my grandparents house. And then it was at my parents house. My parents was like the party house in my family for many many years. That was until my aunt moved and my uncle bought a home. So we had Thanksgiving at my aunts a long time ago and she had this gorgeous apartment in Manhattan. We always invited so many people and there were always friends there. And I have really good memories of long tables with fine linens and lots of loud conversation. My uncle took over thanksgiving probably about 20 years ago now. And we have a big crowd there. It’s usually like 30-35 of us. And one of my favorite things about Thanksgiving there is the activity we always play between dinner and dessert. My cousins pass around these pieces of construction paper. And they’re cut out like feathers and they’re meant to be put around a Turkey. And they also make a turkey as well, which is really cool. And then we all write what we’re thankful for on them. The thing that is most fun about it is my cousins read them outloud and we try to guess who wrote them. So there’s always the family members that try to come up with something clever or funny and the family members who write something long winded, or just simple thank yous or ones that just say “I’m grateful for my family”. And it’s a really fun game that gets you also thinking about being grateful.
One of the biggest things for me and what I wrap my entire financial life around is this idea that my family is super important to me and I want to spend with them as much time as possible. So things like Thanksgiving are really meaningful to me, where I really get to take the time to spend that time with my family and be present and enjoy myself. And all the things I do in my life and all the things that I work for and save for and want to do are really wrapped around family for me. So gratitude at the end of the day and Thanksgiving, really tie in hand in hand to everything that really means something to me, both in my life and both financially.
And it’s what is leading me into this episode today. I love the idea of gratitude. And I always notice I feel better at the end of the day when I approach the day with presence and gratitude and it really makes me feel energized. Because, I am being, I’m there with myself. And I’m interacting with the people who I love. And I am making the most of the day.
I also know that the day isn’t necessarily the same thing for everyone. Right, so the way that I feel about my family is not necessarily the way that some of you feel about your family or how you even handle Thanksgiving. That said, it goes back to our last episode about how we get to choose who we want to be and how we want to handle things. And I really think that we get to choose how we feel at the end of the day of Thanksgiving. Do we get to look at the day as some time that we are grateful for that we get to spend with family or friends? Is it a time of abundance? Is it a time of gratitude and presence? Or is it a time of scarcity? And family fights? And everything else that comes with having high drama with your family.
So this kind of leads me to my next point about scarcity versus abundance. So why is scarcity bad? Its because it puts us in a place where we feel like things are limited. And it really changes how we think about the world if there is let’s say a limited pie. So to use a Thanksgiving reference, if there really is only one pumpkin pie in the world and everyone is going after every single slice and there isn’t any more pie, that’s all we get. Versus abundance where we say to ourselves, well there are many pies in the world or there is a very very very big pie in the world and everyone can take a slice. And when you approach the world from that perspective, it doesn’t feel like you have to eat every single slice of pie because there won’t ever be pie again. Right? It feels like everyone can partake. Because you’re coming from this place of abundance. So, if you use that mentality in your financial life, and if you use that mentality in really all of your life, it really affects how you operate. Because when you’re coming from a place of scarcity, you’re much more likely to make decisions from this negative place. Whereas when you’re coming from a place of abundance, you’re making decisions from a place of positivity, where everyone can be a part of it and where you don’t feel like you have to take something from somebody else or that someone else is taking something from you.
So this kind of goes back into Thanksgiving right, because Thanksgiving is a day of gratitude, it’s a day of abundance, and a lot of food and family and everything else that comes with it. And your life can be like that, too. And your financial life can be like that. I do this with my clients a lot. We go through a gratefulness exercise. And wanting from a place of abundance. I talk to them about wanting what we already have and loving what we already have as a way of overcoming that need for more and overcoming that need to come from a place of scarcity. And appreciating the things in your life that you already have. So one of the exercises I do with clients is I say “ok, list 5 things that you’ve always wanted, always always always wanted in your life, but you already have them”. And that’s really hard to do sometimes, right. Its so easy for us to say, I want a watch and I want a new car and I want new clothes, and I want this and I want that and I want all these things that I don’t have. But sometimes its really hard to take a step back and really look at what we already have in our life and realize that its always what we wanted.
So I am going to give you my list of things. I don’t normally share these with clients and I feel like maybe it will help you think of your own list. So when I say list 5 things that you have and that you’ve always wanted, doesn’t necessarily have to be things, which is kind of great. It can be relationships with people, or relationships that are in your family or outside of your family. It can be something like having children, or it can be something so simple as loving your pillow. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant like a Rolex watch from 1986. So on my list, the number one thing I’ve always wanted and I thankfully have is I am married to my best friend. I always wanted to have a wonderful marriage and I am very grateful that I have a wonderful marriage and that my husband is fantastic. I’ve also always wanted to have children. And we have a 9 month old. So, my son is amazing. And we enjoy every single minute with him and its one of the great things about running my own business is that I get to make my own calendar. And I get to spend time with my son. So that leads me into my third thing which is I always wanted to have flexibility with my time. And the best part about running my own business is that I get to do that. I make my own calendar. I pick my own days off. I make time for my clients and I put them in places where I want to see them and want to have time for them, rather than letting my calendar dedicate who I am. So I would say that’s the third thing that I’ve always wanted and I have. The fouth thing that I’ve always wanted and I do have is a fantastic bed (laughs). It really is the best thing on earth. Like, whenever we travel or we go somewhere for an extended period of time where we don’t have our bed I’m always so excited to get back into my own bed and sleep in my own bed for the whole night. Because its just an amazing, fantastic bed and I cant live without it. And I would say the 5th thing and I think I’ve already mention it to you is my family. I’m so grateful for my family. And I love that I get to spend a lot of time with them. And even though not all my family is here with me in New York. I have family in Seattle. I have family in Texas. I have family in Florida. I have family in France, Pierre is originally from there. So, we have family all over the place and we get to see them. And it doesn’t really matter that they’re so far away, even though I’d like them to be closer. We still get to spend really high quality time with them and we see them multiple times per year. People come here or we go there. And we really like, do a good job of maintaining those relationships. And that’s something I have always wanted in my life and something I definitely have.
So I would say something that you should do with your time after listening to this podcast will be to do your own list.
So I will have another homework up where I have a little section where you can list out five things that you've always wanted and you'd be able to find the homework at moneyowners.com/podcast. I think that'll show you that you really do have a lot in your life to already be grateful for and that you probably are already living a lot of the life that you want. You just don't realize it because you don't spend time looking into those things. The next exercise that I think is really important is thinking about the stuff that or should in our life. We have a lot of things that we feel like we should do. We have to do, we feel pressured to do and there are many reasons why we might feel that way. So, we might feel that way because our spouse is putting pressure on us or we might feel that way because internally we're putting pressure on ourselves to do things or we feel the societal pressure to do certain things.
I would say like if you make a list of another list of five things of things that you feel like you should do or you should want or you should be, it'll give you an eye opener into why it is you are doing maybe some of the things that you're doing in your life. And if you particularly can tie this back to your finances, you'll probably see that some of the decisions you're making in your life are specifically around should related to your finances rather than wants and haves. And like the best part about looking at a list like that is then you can decide, okay, are these things that I think are should that I should do in my life? Are they really things that I want to do and are some of these things ones that I'm already doing and I already have and I don't need to spend more time on.
And it goes back to what we talked about in the last episode about having some discipline, right? Like I spoke about the concept of you get to choose whether or not you're a disciplined person or you're choosing to not be a disciplined person just by having some inaction. It's the same thing here. When you are choosing your shoulds, let's say over your wants, your still making that choice and it's really important to recognize that, that we have a choice about what we do with every single thing in our lives. Even something down to paying taxes, right? We have the choice about whether or not we want to live here in this country and pay taxes. And I think it's one of those things where once you recognize that everything in your life is a choice, you get so much more freedom about what you're able to do and how you're able to handle it.
So related to thanksgiving, right? You get the choice about how much food you put on your plate and whether or not you eat it. Nobody's forcing you to eat massive amounts of Turkey and feel bad at the end of the day, right? You get the choice of where you go for Thanksgiving. Even if it doesn't feel that way, even if it feels like you have to go to your parents' house or whoever's house that you feel like you have to go to, at the end of the day, it's really not about that right? At the end of the day, you're making a choice to spend time with certain people, and whether it be on Thanksgiving or other days in your life. You're making a choice about how you handle your finances, right? You're making a choice going into this holiday season about who you spend gifts on or who you don't, even if it feels like obligations.
So that's why I feel like the shoulds list will really help you kind of open up your eyes to see, okay, well I'm making a choice to do all of these things that I “should do”. Are these the things that I want to be doing? And if they're not things that I want to do, then why am I doing them right? And what's the pressure on me to do them? And how can I change the way that I think about them to make me feel like it really is my choice or just not do those things at all. And then this sort of leads right back into our finances, right? Because all of these things are wrapped up in our finances. When we think about life and our financial lives, right? Our life is wrapped up in money because we need money to do all the things that we want to do.
And maybe that's not 100 percent true, but it certainly helps to have money to be able to put towards your hobbies or put towards family time or to be able to live in a certain place because that's what you want to do. Right? So money gets woven into all of the choices that we make in our lives. So one of the reasons why you might be having issues with your finances, it could be because you feel like you should spend money on certain things where you feel like you need to put money towards certain activities or time just because that's what was required of you and your life. And I think that once you take a good hard look at what you're doing, why you're doing it, and what the pressures are upon you to be doing those things, it might open up whole new world of opportunity where you can come from this place of abundance and gratitude and really appreciate the things that you're doing in your life because you want to do them.
So from the bottom of my heart, I wish you a very, very happy Thanksgiving and a wonderful weekend. And the next episode will be released in two weeks and it'll be a question and answer episodes. So if you have questions that you would like to be answered live on, money owners podcasts, please go to moneyowners.com. And if you scroll down to the contact section, you can put in your question right there and we'll answer it live. I'm going to answer as many questions as possible. Then I can over the course of probably 45 minutes to an hour, we don't want to go over the hour mark. I know people kinda like that these are shorter than the average podcast. Alright, so submit your questions and do your homework and then I'll see y'all next time. All right, thanks.